On Qingming Jie or Tomb-Sweeping Day, Chinese people around the world reunite with their families and make the trip down to their ancestors’ tombs. Dad packs the hoes and shovels, tells Da Ge to bring the sponges and cleaning cloths. Mum, Er Ge and Mei prepare the roast pork and wine for the feast after the fact. They ride together to the graves and the columbaria. They roll up their sleeves and ready themselves to get in the mud. All hands are on deck. It’s time to clean. 

This year, the Chinese observance of ancestral remembrance and filial piety falls on April 5. While a custom of the Chinese, all who wish can participate in it; in the universal practice of visiting our lost loved ones and presenting them with some culturally meaningful offering of our own. Besides the usual offerings of food and flowers, this Qingming Jie, let us add a contemporary twist to our repertoire and reinvent tradition as we know it. 

1. Drink Offering

Chinese people may be familiar with this one. Known formally as a ‘libation,’ the practice of offering a drink to the dead is not exclusive to them, but is a custom of many cultures in Asia including India, Japan and Myanmar. Be it water, tea or ghee, no matter what liquid is used, the meaning behind the act is one and the same: to show respect to those who came before us. 

Celebrants can choose to pour the drink out in front of their loved one’s tombstone or into a cup for them. To update the practice, pour one out for each visitor too and clink your glasses: Bottoms up! This is in memory of you. It would be like sharing a drink together again, like old times. 

2. Breaking News and Top Stories

Take a moment to reflect: How many life-changing events have occurred since the passing of your loved one? I wager, many. 

It could be those moments you find yourself wishing they were still here—to join you in your joy and celebration of a wedding, a newborn, a graduation, a vacation. Or those of tragedy you’re glad they’re no longer around to witness—COVID, Afghanistan, Ukraine, climate change. 

Both of these are major developments to collect and bring with you when visiting your loved one. Offer up your updates and continue sharing your life with them.

3. Heart-to-Heart 

The advantage of being around the dead is that they bear no judgement. You may say whatever you wish and there would be no retort, no rebuke, no shame. 

Before making the trip down, prepare some words—a letter, journal entry, poem—to read aloud to your loved one. Is there anything you wish to say to them that you haven’t? Any emotion yet unexpressed? Now is the time to pen down, process and release any unresolved grief, regret, resentment. Be vulnerable as you stand before your loved one today. Offer up your sincere, most heartfelt thoughts and feelings. 

Spring is already here. Your new beginning is just around the corner.

“百善孝为先”。一年一度的清明节，又称“扫墓日”不只是扫墓祭祖的节日，也是家族团聚的时刻。

一大清早，爸爸准备好锄头和铲子，吩咐大哥带清洗墓碑的工具（海绵擦和抹布等）。另一边，妈妈、二哥和小妹在预备祭拜祖先用的祭品如烧猪、酒、食物、金纸、香烛等等。准备完毕后，一家人浩浩荡荡出发到墓园打扫祖先的坟墓。

今年的清明节落在4月5日。虽然道教和佛教徒有祭拜祖先的习俗，其他宗教信徒也可以用各自的方式表达对祖先的思念。除了如往常一样供奉食品和鲜花，今年的清明节，让我们突破传统习俗，用新颖独特的方式祭奠祖先。

 

1.   奠酒仪式

 多数华人对奠酒仪式都不会陌生。其实，这个仪式在其他亚洲国家，例如印度，日本和缅甸都存在。无论是用水，茶或是酥油，这些都带着相同的意义——向祖先致以哀思及表达敬意。

扫墓完毕后，后人会在墓碑前撒酒或装入小酒杯。在这个时候，我们提议为每位扫墓者装一杯酒，碰杯敬酒，干杯，向祖先致敬！这个情景好比往常一样，与先人一同聚会的时光。

 

2.   突发新闻，最新消息

让我们回想一下，当亲人离世后，我们经历了多少人生大事？我敢打赌，一定不少。

每个人总会经历几件生命中的“大事”，比如结婚，新生儿，毕业，难忘之旅等。也许你会希望故人能够与你度过这些快乐的时光，又或者你也会感到庆幸，因为他们不需经历新冠病毒，塔利班掌权阿富汗，俄乌战争，气候变化等等的悲剧。

这些好与坏的经历都可以在扫墓时与故人分享。

 

3.   心连心

与故人相处唯一的好处就是它们没有评价。你可以畅所欲言，绝对不会受到任何反驳、训斥、羞辱。

你是否有未来得及对祖先说出的内心话？趁这个清明节，你可以写一封信，一篇日记或一首诗，把你的心里话写下来，带到坟前念出来。好好利用这个时刻，展现你真诚的一面，在祖先面前释放你心里的哀痛、遗憾、怨恨等。

春天已来到，你的新生活即将开始。